Categories include: roommates, date rape, safe sex, lovers and family.
ROOMMATES
QUESTION:
My roommates don’t do a very good job of keeping our apartment neat and tidy, especially with the kitchen and dishes. I have tried to talk to them about it, but they don’t seem to care. What can I do?
ANSWER:
This is one of the most common problems experienced by people who share living space and have different values. You have taken the most important first step in dealing with the issue by attempting to discuss it with your roommates. It must be frustrating to try to work things out and to feel that no one cares about your needs. If the situation really bothers you a lot, Uncle Sigmund recommends that you continue to let your roomies know how you are feeling about it. Perhaps you could suggest some specific solution, like dividing up responsibilities or compromising on some trade-off. If they are still unconcerned about the issue, it may be that you will have to accept the fact that they have different standards, and find ways to take care of yourself and your own needs.
Good Luck!
Uncle Sigmund
QUESTION:
My roommate is constantly having sex with his girlfriend in our room, causing me to have to find somewhere else to sleep at night. Now I’m as liberal as the next person, but what should I do?
ANSWER:
You have the right to feel comfortable in your own room and sleep in your own bed. It sounds like it’s time to talk honestly with your roommate (without his girlfriend) about your concerns and what you will and will not tolerate. If things don’t improve, you may want to bring in an objective third party, such as an RA, RD, etc., to help mediate.
Good Luck!
Uncle Sigmund
QUESTION:
I was sexually assaulted a couple of weeks ago. I know the person who did it and he says it was not assault because we both had been drinking. Should I press charges or let it drop and save the embarrassment and stress of going to trial?
ANSWER:
Uncle Sigmund is saddened by the unfortunate fact that one out of five college women is the victim of sexual assault. This is a traumatic experience that often requires the help of a professional counselor to get over. At ASU, there are several options other than pressing charges or letting it drop. You may report the incident without prosecuting and you may go to the local district attorney’s office. Uncle Sigmund strongly recommends you let the Counseling Center help you think through the right choice for you.
Sincerely,
Uncle Sigmund
QUESTION:
Are there people on this campus with AIDS or the HIV virus? And if so, why are they here and what can we do to protect ourselves from them since we must share the bathrooms and showers with them, because now you can catch it from about everything and I feel that through using the bathrooms and showers after them it is more likely that could cause a problem.
ANSWER:
Dear Worried,
There is no way to know how many people on campus have AIDS or the HIV virus, but people with AIDS are everywhere and it is likely that they are here, too. You need not be so worried, though. You cannot get AIDS from sharing bathrooms and showers with those who are infected. AIDS is contracted from intimate contact only, such as sexual intercourse or the sharing of needles. If you want to protect yourself, don’t have intercourse without a condom and don’t do drugs, especially if it involves sharing needles. If you follow these simple guidelines, people with AIDS will not be a threat to you. In fact, you are more of a threat to them, because you could give them diseases through more casual contact that they cannot fight. If you would like to learn more about AIDS, you may contact the Student Health Services or the Watauga County Public Health Department. It helps to be informed!
Sincerely,
Uncle Sigmund
QUESTION:
Dear Uncle Sigmund,
My boyfriend and I have been dating since high school. The problem is, he went on a study abroad trip and now he’s different. I wonder if he met someone else. He checks his e-mail every hour, and someone calls and hangs up a lot. He’s been real distant since he’s been back – like he’s still in another world. What should I do?
Wondering
ANSWER:
Dear Wondering,
Your question brings up concerns about what happens in relationships as partners grow. This is an opportunity to build communication channels. First, how much have you talked about his trip? Giving him time to tell you about the trip -- what was exciting, what was challenging -- is the beginning. Ask him to tell you about his pictures and describe the outstanding points to you. You may want to share your feelings and concerns with him. It’s best to do that using “I” statements like “I feel like you are….” Listen to his responses, and your feelings.
There are plausible reasons for him checking e-mail – course requirements? Lots of new friends? Likewise for the wrong number calls.
So give yourself an opportunity to share your feelings, and see what happens.
Best of luck,
Uncle Sigmund
QUESTION:
Dear Uncle Sigmund,
I come from a classic dysfunctional family – an alcoholic father, and a mother who never stood up to him, or protected us. I don’t drink or use drugs, so I haven’t been touched in this way by my family, but I find myself doing what my mom did. I have been in countless relationships with men who have addictions of some type or another and I put up with some pretty bad things before leaving the relationship. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I stop this pattern?
Frustrated
ANSWER:
Dear Frustrated,
Uncle Sigmund hears that you recognize how negative the relationship patterns are in your life and that they are in some way related to your family. This is good insight on your part! What you describe is “co-dependency” and it sounds as though this was modeled by your mother. Recognizing the pattern is a first step to change. Uncle’s friends at the ASU Counseling Center can help with further changes and growth. The Center is located in the same building as the Post Office, and is also on the first floor.
Uncle Sigmund